It’s great to meet someone you aspire to be with for a long time. It may also be nerve-racking, especially if you dwell on it. When you overthink in a relationship, it might feel like you’re holding a magnifying glass up to identify and avert possible problems so that everything works out perfectly. However, experts believe that overthinking in this manner causes more harm than benefit. This article will help you to to how to stop overthinking in a relationship
Overthinking is similar to getting a terrible pimple: it occurs to everyone. Your mother, sister, and best friend (obviously…you’re the first to learn about it!) are all culpable. So, before I begin, know that you are not alone in your never-ending “Omg, what if…” thoughts. It’s human nature to attempt to analyze people and circumstances, especially if you’re the high-achiever kind (which, duh, you are! ), but sometimes you have to let that ish go.
Because here’s the thing: Whether you’re a few months into a new relationship, in the early and torturous (but exciting) “talking” phase, or are years into a committed long-term relationship, the rabbit-hole habit may bring a slew of issues for both you and your partner. So I’m going to show you how to quit overthinking and save you a lot of trouble.
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But first, why do individuals overthink in the first place?
In almost every scenario, you’re obsessing on a circumstance or interaction with another individual. I mean, how often do you pause to reflect on something you did while no one else was present? Almost certainly never.
Because you have no means of knowing what another person is thinking at any one time, overthinking is virtually always in regard to someone else. Overthinking may occur with coworkers, employers, family members, friends, strangers—really, with anyone—but it most commonly occurs (or, at the very least, you notice it most) with a love interest or relationship.
Thinking about someone you like is a means of staying in touch with them, of physically keeping them on your mind. Then, when a discussion or scenario arises that, for whatever reason, leaves you unsure of how they feel about you or your relationship, you go into “find it out” mode to regain control.
Yes, it’s frequently a matter of control. Let’s imagine a guy suddenly stops messaging you or a female you’re interested in doesn’t initiate a third date, much to your surprise. You begin replaying everything you said on your previous date, rereading texts, and attempting to find hidden significance in anything they’ve done or haven’t done, all in an attempt to link their shift in behavior or lack of participation to a specific point.
Because if you can “figure it out,” you can also “repair it.” At least, that’s what it appears to be. The truth is, you’ll never truly know why someone didn’t move further with you, and even if you do, it’s usually not something that can be “fixed.”
That doesn’t seem so horrible, does it? What’s the issue?
Catastrophic overthinking is the sort of overthinking that most likely landed you here. You’ve probably heard it before: He’ll never call me again. Or I completely blew it. Or, That’s the worst thing I could have said; I’m such a moron. These are the exaggerated negative thoughts that you may inadvertently utilize as a protection strategy to insulate yourself from the pain of impending rejection.
When you’re scared that someone will reject you or lose interest in you, it’s simpler to leap to a conclusion. That way, if you do hear from them again, you will feel relieved as well as astonished and excited. And what if you don’t? You’ve probably already prepared for it.
That’s not all that bad on its own (after all, you need to guard your heart), but when it becomes a habit, all that negative thinking can really take a toll on your self-esteem.
Because you’re so used to envisioning reasons why someone could reject you, it can also harm your entire connection with partners. You can find yourself putting those fictitious reasons onto the next person you date, essentially turning yourself into a nervous, walking-on-eggshells body rather than a present partner and blaming someone for things that aren’t actually there.
Suppose the individual has already left (or, yuck, ghosted), listing all the probable reasons why and studying each in an attempt to figure out what occurred will only drive you insane. Again, there’s no way of knowing what someone is actually thinking or why they do what they do, so pretending to be Sherlock Holmes won’t help you.
How Can You Stop Overthinking In A Relationship?
We all overthink from time to time “According to Kathryn Smerling, PhD, LCSW, a marital and family psychologist. “The trick is discerning between when it’s a one-time incident and when it’s become a significant problem — [one that] may ruin even the strongest relationships.”
Consider it a symptom of overthinking if you’re continually agonising over “what if” situations and then basing your actions on circumstances that haven’t yet occurred, according to Smerling. The same is true if you feel like you’re never in the present moment and are always thinking about the past or worried about the future.
When this happens, you’re no longer focused on your connection, which is one of the reasons why overthinking in a relationship can cause you and your spouse to drift away. With that in mind, here are some practical techniques to stop overthinking in a relationship
- Analyze What Is Causing You To Overthink
- Come In Terms With The Truth
- Build The Trust
- Communicate With Your Partner
- Be Honest With Yourself About What You Truly Require In A Relationship
1. Analyze What Is Causing You To Overthink
The first step to stopping overthinking in a relationship is to figure out why you have the tendency to overthink in the first place. Humans have the ability to think about and notice our own thoughts and feelings, which is one of our most distinguishing characteristics.
First and foremost, determine if you’re on pins and needles. As the individual you’re speaking with is sending you confusing signals. In an ironic twist, if a scenario is a little perplexing. Then you may be enticed by it since you want to “crack the puzzle” and acquire your goal (the guy/girl).
2. Come In Terms With The Truth
If the problem is a perplexing individual, take a moment to remind yourself that you deserve better than confusing messages. And that genuine pleasure should come from shared interest, not confusion. Rather than getting caught in, concentrate on other people until this individual can quit being all over the place.
And what if they’re just a perplexing person in general? You don’t want to begin a relationship where you have to interpret everything they say and do. That’s a surefire prescription for tragedy.
3. Build The Trust
In order to stop overthinking in a relationship, Trust is an essential component. The issue is that many people who overthink relationships do so because they do not trust their spouse.
If your spouse has a history of cheating, lying, or being manipulative. You may have cause to be cautious about what you say. If this is the case, your overthinking will come to an end when your spouse stops acting untrustworthy or you decide to terminate the relationship.
Assuming your spouse is trustworthy, it is a good idea to ask them what they meant and then accept their word for it. If your spouse is honest with you, focus on believing what they say.
4. Communicate With Your Partner
Overthinking in a relationship is frequently caused by a lack of communication. Because you haven’t spoken with them about it, you have to speculate what they are thinking or planning. Is your partner aware that you are feeling insecure? Take some time to talk about your feelings and opinions with your companion. Inquire as to what they meant when they uttered XYZ or performed 123. Usually, this will answer your query about how to avoid overthinking in a relationship.
5. Be Honest With Yourself About What You Truly Require In A Relationship
Overthinking in a relationship is frequently caused by a lack of knowledge of one’s own needs. When you find yourself overthinking anything in your relationship, ask yourself, “What need do I now have that is unmet?” This might assist you in communicating with your spouse. Instead of bringing up all of your difficulties with your spouse, explain to them what your specific requirements are. You might inquire as to whether they are willing to fulfil this desire for you.
Building a relationship is hard as it takes a lot of patience, dedication & trust. There should be no place for things like overthinking, distrust & lack of communication. Identifying the symptoms, and their effects & acknowledging the problem is the first step toward improving and maintaining the relationship.
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