We can’t help but acknowledge the fact that the world seems to collapse right after a breakup. Recovering from a long term relationship break-up is difficult. Different people react differently to this phase as and when it arrives in their life. Some resort to self-harm while others get afflicted by depression. This is a very delicate phase in everyone’s life irrespective of the gender, class, or social strata they belong to. As easy as breaking up may seem, the consequences of it can be at times, unthinkable, unimaginable. In case of breakups of long-term relationships, some people also go to the extent of attempting suicide. So, we can assume the intensity of void and disaster a breakup is capable of causing to our mental health.
A breakup is not always synonymous with heartbreak but in the majority of the cases, cases concerning young boys and girls especially, it does. When that gut-wrenching sensation takes over your entire being, you start feeling numb and aimless and hopeless. It is weird. Perhaps you never imagined that things would unfold this way, so very bitterly but it did. Life is not a movie after all and even the most realistic of movie scenes ever made, would prove to be as futile as a burnt bowl of rice in the name of consolation.
Recovering from a breakup is a very subjective process and it turns out differently for different people. People with higher resilience levels have a separate way of coping with such situations, while comparatively weak characters have a completely different way. Long-term relationships leave a lasting impact on our minds and hearts and some studies state that it might take six months approximately, to recover from a breakup. Several factors play a role in deciding how long it will take for you to recover from a breakup of the long term relationship that you had been in, namely, the quality of the relationship, infidelity, whether they left you or you left, your commitment, your mental involvement, the volume of your affection and a lot of other things.
If you have been suffering from a severe heartbreak after your breakup or if you are yet to get over your past relationship that had lasted for a very long time, these are 5 ways to recover from your present situation that might prove to be very beneficial:
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Limit connections as much as possible
This is a crucial first step for recovering from a long term relationship break-up. People nowadays are very much inclined to follow the trend of being friends with their ex-partner. Now, this is not an easy task and it starts taking a toll on your mental health even though you don’t realize it at first. Therefore, you do not necessarily need to be friends with or have harmonious ties with your ex just after the breakup. If possible, also do unfollow their social media handles because communicating on social media, going through their pictures even accidentally, might be very triggering at the nascent stage of your breakup. Also, don’t show even a bit of jealousy when your ex tries to share with you the details of their newfound love or girlfriend. Disconnect from them as much as possible and do not talk to them about your agonies because they could use it against you which in turn will harm your mental health.
Try and understand the Five stages of grief
The concept of grief doesn’t just apply to losses but also marriages, breakups, divorce, separation and relationships. It is a good idea to have an in-depth understanding of the five stages of grief. The five stages of breakup grief are as follows:
- Depression, and
As Cognitive Behavioral Theory (CBT) and other forms of established mental health therapy suggest, you should “stop should-ing yourself”. Just do not burden yourself with thoughts like you should have moved on by now, you should not feel the way you still feel about the relationship that ended long back and that it’s high time and you should have been over it. Embrace your natural, organic train of thought instead. Do not forget that you are already under a lot of emotional baggage and pressurizing yourself on top of that would mean nothing but inviting added distress. You’ll come out of the situation much stronger than you can ever imagine if you allow yourself the required space and time.
Silly as it may seem, crying helps to reduce stress levels drastically. So, if you feel that you have a lot to vent out but your teardrops are just not accompanying you, you can always seek refuge in that favorite melancholy melody of yours like the solitary reaper which gets your tears flowing within minutes. This will help you in venting and transport your mind to a more peaceful destination within yourself.
Focus on what you want
Especially after a long-term breakup, this step is like detoxification. After a decade-long or two-decades-long relationship, you will likely have forgotten how was it like to be entirely yourself. How were those years when your ex didn’t even know you? Well, tax your brain a bit and try to gather bits and pieces of your former self and amalgamate them into a single “you’. It will be initially difficult since you had almost gotten into the habit of living life under the mutual influences of each other but as you regain your original self, try figuring out what you want. Where do you want your job or where you’d prefer to live, whether you are happy with your present life or you want to change any part of it. Think of a career you left halfway and could not pursue due to your relationship; give it a shot. Think of the newly acquired freedom, which was perhaps an inch of a fading daydream back in those days of your commitment. Above all, focus on yourself and make it the topmost priority. Reshuffle your priority list!
Do something you’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because of the domineering presence of your partner
Whether it’s a hair color you’ve always fantasized or a bodycon dress you’ve always wanted to put on, a super expensive brand you’ve always wished to drink or a language class you’ve dreamt of joining since childhood; jump into it. Do it. Do whatsoever makes you happy and lifts your spirits. There is no toxic partner to give you warnings or consistent threats now; live life like you are Snow White. This will act as a major boost in removing past memories and bringing you back to the normal course of life once again.
It’s necessary to understand that life is a journey and you cannot shut everyone out of your life. You should try to make new connections, and should possibly seek a new relationship. While doing so this time make sure that you observe signs of toxic relationships & learn how to avoid relationship getting toxic.
Download the Evolve App and perform journeys like ‘increase your self-love’, ‘get over a break-up’ and ‘understand your relationship needs in order to facilitate your healing process. Cheers!
Damayanti Dubey is a final year English major at Loreto College, Kolkata. She is a writer by passion and loves to indulge in languages, especially English, Bengali, and Urdu. She aims at exploring all of their intricacies and nuances. Damayanti is a disciple of Padma Bhushan Pandit Ajoy Chakraborty and is a national scholar of Indian classical music. She has always believed that a sound mind, free from the clutches of regressive and negative thoughts is the key to living a healthy life and makes efforts to promote mental wellness through the power of her words.
Damayanti believes in thinking beyond boundaries.