A first date has always been of utmost significance in the history of love and celebrated lovers. It’s interesting how all of us are familiar with the concept of dating yet grow so anxious and apprehensive whenever it comes to our turn to explore it. A successful first date can be the stepping stone to a beautiful relationship but many of us are gripped by a certain degree of discomfort and awkwardness when it comes to going on our first date. A number of factors participate in deciding how your first date shall go and there are some first date rules or etiquettes you could follow to come out of it satisfied, feeling exalted about the way you handled it. And why not? If first interviews or job meetings have rules, dates too should.
Speaking about the first date rules, the one thing you should really focus on is being the best version of your natural self; artificialism and false social media dating standards are not only dated but also act as a hindrance in the organic flow of thoughts. What is to be kept in mind at the same time, is that you are two people seeing each other for the very first time and are technically strangers however well-acquainted you may be on social media. Men, women or people of any other gender could advisably, keep their wits about them and be a little argus-eyed while dealing with their date because getting swayed by emotional turbulence- be it positive or negative, would not be a very befitting demeanour to pursue throughout your date evening.
It’s your first date after all and you want to come across as impressive as possible and some people, women to be specific, do find it difficult to impress the person on the other end without putting up an air of extra-consciousness and reticence. You might have a lot of such reservations on a personal level, however, being vocal about your needs with your partner and your expectations from the budding relationship is always a great idea to establish the connection necessary for your coffee dates to turn into lunch dates or night-outs maybe.
Essential first date rules to follow
A First date is, to a relationship, what a preface is to a novel or a prologue to a drama. So, here are some vital tips you would like to consider before you go on to write the preface of the book of your relationship-
- Late Kate Loses the Game
- Looking Into your Phone…A big no-no!
- Never Dig up the past
- Blurt it all out- Your Circumstances.
- Don’t be Judgemental at all
- Ask! Ask! Ask!
- Dress up and build up on your confidence!
- Don’t feel answerable for what you believe in
- Shun the thoughts of Marriage and Children
Late Kate Loses the Game
There’s nothing more pathetic than reaching late to your date- destination. It entails the possibility of spoiling your first impression as well as making your date wonder – “ Oh no! How utterly irresponsible!”. Ensure that you inform them that you are going to get late. Work excuses can also be subjected to various interpretations as long as it is not something grave and serious.
Looking Into your Phone…A big no-no!
Doesn’t matter if you are a tech-savvy gen z or a software engineer who finds it difficult to breathe even for a couple of minutes when you are not looking at your screen, you just cannot afford to divert your attention towards your phone. Work calls and texts from friends can wait, your date can’t. You never know how intently they might be observing every other move of yours.
Never Dig Up The Past
Most of us have had a past, some cherishable while others devastating and we should try as much as possible to respect that. Acknowledging your date’s personal boundary and averting intrusive behaviour is one of the key first date rules that one should follow. Discussing their past could also be an emotional challenge, the aftereffects of which can be disastrous. The beginning of a new relationship does not call for such obnoxious situations.
Blurt it all out- Your Circumstances.
Whether you are driving a Mercedes or sharing a room with your friend, struggling to make both ends meet or laying the premise for a multinational project, just say that out loud and encourage the other to do the same. Coming clean about your circumstances can be a very effective method of establishing a fruitful connection, can save a lot of your time and lead to a lot of transparency which is a desirable quality for any relationship, let alone romantic ones.
Don’t be Judgemental at all
A good fifteen- minutes into your date and you are uttering comments like- “God! You are a crazy man ”, “Oh, I think you are a very calculative woman”, “You know I think you have really beautiful lips but your eyes are more enrapturing, nonetheless” and the like. These comments can come across as extremely judgemental and you should avoid such judgements as far as possible. It’s your first meeting after all. You never know what they went through or what actually caused them to become the person they are today. Judgements relating to a person’s physique or physical attributes might also be as painful as Macbeth’s dagger penetrating Duncan.
Ask! Ask! Ask!
Since you are meeting each other for the first time, asking a lot of general questions about your date’s preferences, orientations and associations might be a good shot. You should however, be careful about the fact that your questions are not particularly invasive and difficult for the other person to answer. These questions could also include- “How are your parents doing?’ or “ Is everything okay at home?”. You should never blur the line between intrusive inquisitions and inquisitions of genuine concern.
Dress up and build up your confidence!
Now you might be wondering about where you kept your six-inches heels after the last time you wore them or where from it would be ideal to purchase a new, dazzling costume for your first date. But you would be surprised to know that, that is not what we solely mean by dressing up. Put on anything that you have readily available and feel the most comfortable in. That does wonders, as a matter of fact. External appearances do count in impacting initial impressions but what truly matters is what lies within. Your body language has got a major role to play in it and that being said, being on the ball and remaining confident perpetually is a great trick indeed. If you still aren’t confident enough, try building up on it.
Don’t feel answerable for what you believe in
It is what it is. You are an individual and having distinct thoughts, beliefs or opinions of your own is a rudimentary right that you are entitled to. This might as well sound rude to some but never bother providing an explanation for what you believe in or how you perceive life.
Boasting about yourself, about your latest car or the amount of money you have for instance, will not only appear rude but also show that you are a self-absorbed person. Be humble and let them find about your accomplishment on their own, don’t brag. That being said, it’s difficult not to brag about accomplishments, it’s difficult to restrain yourself. To avoid this you need to have self-consciousness and groundedness, one way of being self-conscious and humble is to have a gratitude journal or practicing meditation.
You can check out our latest articles on gratitude and journaling here – How To Practice Gratitude🙏
Shun the thoughts of Marriage and Children
If anything at all, has the importance of being the first and the last rule of your first date, then this is it. We mean every bit of it when we say- never even remotely bring up the topics of marrying each other or starting a family together on your first date. It is not just an inappropriate and eerie thing to mention but also shows your insensibility and desperation for a long-term commitment. It’s just your first date and you are not even sure of the second one, so restrain yourself from spoiling it all by painting a fool’s paradise.
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Damayanti Dubey is a final year English major at Loreto College, Kolkata. She is a writer by passion and loves to indulge in languages, especially English, Bengali, and Urdu. She aims at exploring all of their intricacies and nuances. Damayanti is a disciple of Padma Bhushan Pandit Ajoy Chakraborty and is a national scholar of Indian classical music. She has always believed that a sound mind, free from the clutches of regressive and negative thoughts is the key to living a healthy life and makes efforts to promote mental wellness through the power of her words.
Damayanti believes in thinking beyond boundaries.