You need to first understand how long it takes to get over a breakup. Experiencing a break-up is never easy. You may have been deeply in love with your partner and spent a lot of time with them, or it may not have been more than a few months. No matter the situation, dealing with breakups is hard and it has never been easy to move on after a breakup. If you have been there, you know that the process is very painful. It is really hard and it’s okay to feel sad and empty. But, know that you won’t be feeling that way forever. The stress and anxiety that comes with the end of any relationship are difficult to handle in the initial stages. There are certain do’s and don’ts that can help you navigate a break-up better. But, it’s a slow process and getting over someone you love takes time. You might feel as if your world suddenly turned upside down and that things are never going to be normal again. This feeling is so uncomfortable, and that is why knowing how to get over a break-up is important. But exactly how long does it take to get over a breakup? What is the magic number before which you can get over someone?
Firstly, there is no hard and fast rule that getting over someone takes a particular amount of time. So when you ask someone how long does it take to get over a breakup, there is no correct answer. There’s never really a clear answer, however, studies show that it takes 3-18 months to get over a breakup. Getting over a breakup depends on various factors. Every relationship is different and so every breakup and the circumstances in it are also different.
Getting over a breakup is not about time. It depends on your actions post-breakup. There are many ways to get over a breakup but there are only 4 basic steps that can help you move on. These steps can help you heal from a breakup and reduce the amount of time you spend feeling bad about your breakup and bring you closer to knowing how long it takes to get over a breakup.
The 4 step process to get over a breakup
- Accepting the situation
After a heartbreak, it is normal for you to think that this bad feeling is going to end with time because that’s what everyone says. It is definitely not going to be a piece of cake. Accepting and understanding that it is OK to feel sad is the first step in moving on. The more you try to fight the negative emotions, the harder it becomes for you to move on. Remember you cannot wait it out, you have to work on it.
Accepting also includes not stalking your ex, not following their life. There is definitely a temptation to keep checking what they’re up to. But, this will only make you sad. You don’t have to be stuck in a place, thinking about how fast they have moved on. It will be emotionally triggering and an obstacle to moving on into an amazing future. Unfollowing or blocking them will help you from that temptation of eagerly checking their social media account. Focusing on your past won’t let you move forward, so let it go and let them be.
- Opening up in a safe space
It feels impossible to move on from a relationship where you have invested so much, especially your emotions, thoughts and feelings. You feel a sudden shock as it is a major change. For you to let go of it completely, you need to express your emotions. Just like everyone, you might be having your own way of letting things out. But knowing and accepting that you have to let things out is very important for you to recover.
Talking to someone who cares about how you feel is one way and studies show that it’s extremely helpful. Find your support system, that can be your family, close friends, therapist and so on. Open up in a non-judgemental environment and cry if you want to.
Your support system can comfort you and understand how you feel but they can’t help you get over your breakup. As much as venting out helps, it is very important for you to look for or create a safe space. It is a part of the process and it allows you to gain strength to move on. Grow through your emotions. Journaling your thoughts, tracking your moods and working on your mental health are a few effective ways that help you get over your breakup and balance your life.
- Focusing on yourself
A breakup is a tough thing anyone goes through and the phase after the end of the relationship is as difficult as it is. But even though you might feel like you have lost confidence in yourself and there is nothing else in life that excites you other than the person you love. Yes, even though it is hard to understand your own worth, you must focus on yourself.
Start with finding your purpose in life. Because once you have something to look forward to or a goal to achieve, you will be invested in it. Step outside your comfort zone and try things you always wanted to do, but were scared or couldn’t do for some reason.
Pick up new hobbies, work on your existing skills and set goals for yourself. See how your energy eventually helps you grow from your past and achieve so many beautiful things. You must focus solely on yourself and push yourself forward building your self-esteem, self-worth, and self-love.
Little things matter too. Do things that make you happy and don’t forget to have fun in the process. Take care of your body and exercise often. Going out for walks, staying hydrated and eating less junk will help you love yourself more. These little things help you build your self-esteem.
- Learn to love yourself
Getting over someone is not about not loving them anymore or forgetting them. It’s about having the strength to accept that you still love them but choosing to move on. Be open to the concept of “Anything can happen and that nothing is permanent”.
Don’t try to look for a clear answer for what went wrong thinking there would be a perfect explanation and only then you will be able to move on. You cannot always have that and you will regret trying this as you will end up in a vulnerable place. Stop looking for closure. Remember it’s your past and you cannot change that.
At this point, you might feel like you need someone, but don’t impulsively jump into rebound relationships or hookups. You are only trying to block the emotional void instead of dealing with it. Remember that there is no immediate need for someone in your life. Remind yourself about the time you were able to function without a romantic relationship. Trust the process and treat yourself with extreme love and respect.
Getting over a breakup is never easy. You should take it one day at a time and not blame yourself for what went wrong. Over time, you will learn how to deal with breakup related stress and feel better. Just take time for yourself and do things that make you happy. It doesn’t matter how long you take to get over a breakup, but what matters is that you do so on your terms and feel happy.
You can find a journey on the Evolve app designed to help deal with a breakup and process your thoughts over the span of a few weeks which can help you get closer to getting over a breakup. It is designed with proven techniques and includes actionable habits which you can add to your day and life. The
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*Lalitha Pidatala is a co-contributor to this article.
With over 300 articles published on Evolve. Jash is one of the most viewed writers on topics such as Sleep, Mindfulness and Stress. Drop a mail at Jash@evolveinc.in to connect with him.